Humans = Mammals. Who knew?

This article, which was kindly linked by ScienceBlogs, offers some rather hilarious news reporting, as well as some general insults to people who call themselves scientists.

Apparently, in addition to global warming, inflation, and non-organic produce, the inhabitants of San Francisco should now be shaking in their faux-leather boots for fear of giant pythons. Their dial-a-scientist insightfully analyzes,
At 20 miles a month, a determined Burmese python from Florida could arrive in San Francisco as early as August 2020.

"It would be exceptional for one animal to be that unidirectional in its movement, but it's mathematically possible," Rodda said.

The snake's cross-country crawl would be made easier by the large population of beavers along the way, Rodda said.

"Beavers would be a very tasty treat for them," Rodda said. "No beaver would be safe from a python."

Beavers? Why beavers? Not housecats or mice, but BEAVERS.

It gets better.

Dial-a-scientist Dr. Rodda (I am currently investigating where he went to school) next points out that one should not attempt to rid their yard of the impending giant pythons.

"A large alligator will eat a small python," Rodda said. "But we are not recommending you import alligators into California. That would not be a good idea."

You would think that nothing could top Rodda's excellent analysis of the immenent python influx. But, yes, fair readers, he really accomplishes this feat towards the end of the article (hopefully you didn't stop reading due to fears of being swallowed alive) - As for other potential prey, human beings - like rodents, beavers and deer - are mammals, government scientists confirmed.

So in addition to spending government money analyzing how pythons will scale the Rockies and Sierras, we have reconfirmed that humans are indeed mammals, the prey of choice for giant pythons.

I don't know about you, but I'm packing my bags for Bermuda.

Edit: No info on where Doc Gordon picked up his degree, but Google does tell me that he sports an attractive beard: as seen in exhibit A.